I wonder if turtlenecks are okay

As I stood at the restroom mirror today, I quietly lamented to myself, “Why can’t I wear scarves like the office ladies do?”  I’d thought I was alone in the room, but suddenly - I heard a flush.  A stout and portly woman emerged from a stall behind me. She looked like Gertrude Stein but more depressed.  Like someone whose grandchildren ignore them.  I’d never seen her before, which was odd, because the part of the building we were in is password-protected. Perhaps she was a visitor.

She stopped in her tracks and made eye contact with me in the mirror.  Holding steady her gaze, she said rather matter-of-factly, “Well, for one thing, your neck is short. And, your bosoms are too big.” I was struck speechless. Without further comment, the woman turned toward the entrance and left the rest room without washing her hands. On a second’s thought, I left the restroom with the intent of following her. Who was this woman?  But she was no where to be seen with no place to hide. It was as if she vanished into thin air.

I thought about my exchange with the mystery woman all day. She’s right, you know — my neck is too short, my breasts too big to withstand an ornamental scarf.  I’d been in denial for years, but now I could see it with such clarity. Why had I been so blind? I began to feel a newfound sense of freedom wash over me. It tickled.  

It was at that very moment that I realized it.  She must’ve been an angel.  A fashion angel.