I hope that you took time to sleep in, have a fruity drink, get a pedicure, or maybe even check out a really intense Cuban cage fight today! Whatever floats your boat, Lady — it’s your day!
inthefade:
(via danielsh)
I am so elitist I wear Fancy Pants. Just ask Jessica.
It’s true. Michele’s Fancy Pants are so fancy that she’s not allowed to wear them unless her legs are freshly dusted with a powder derived from Tim Haines’ crushed spirit.
Since my father is now officially retired, he has a lot of free time on his hands. When he’s not fishing, cutting wood, or tinkering around on a farm project, he’s watching television. I worry where all this TV viewing is leading, and the ideas it is filling his impressionable mind with. In some respects, the man is a veritable blank canvas.
Case in point: Lately, whenever dear old Dad receives a phone call from a stranger whom he suspects is a scam artist, he proudly rebuffs their request for his personal information with a resounding “I’m not falling for your tricks, buddy! You can call my daughter — she’s a lawyer!!!!” He then proceeds to give the hapless cog my office number. My father is very proud of these exchanges. Proud that he swiftly avoided what was surely to be his financial ruin, proud that he has a lawyer-daughter to summon to his every cause. Afterward, Dad calls me all aglow and tells me point-by-point how he laid into a would-be swindler. It’s his glory moment of the day.
The problem is, some of these people are calling him about legitimate business. Last week, an exasperated representative from his bank called me at work because my father had hung up on her two times in a row when she tried to inform him of suspicious activity on an account. Last month, he called my brother’s student loan officer a “greedy fucking dupek.” (dupek is Polish for asshole) I admittedly agree with his assessment of the matter, but still. My father is slowly turning into the Slavic equivalent of Andy Rooney, and I want it to stop. Especially before his eyebrows eat his face. He’s only 64, people. This is all happening too soon. I’m not an adult yet.
What’s something interesting and unique I should do with my winnings??