just . . . jessabelle.

Nobody told me that spdracerx is a plump black woman.

I am SO out of the loop around here.

I'm supposed to be an angel with a devil on my shoulder whispering evil thoughts into my ear.

But the devil keeps falling off!  This makes me incredibly sad.  I’ve tried everything — glue, magnets, even a sophisticated pulley system that incorporated a chandelier earring.  Either: a) the Christmas elf-turned-devil doesn’t appreciate the effort I put in to painting his head red, making his little glittery horns, and designing and hand sewing his little velour suit and skinny tie, or  b) his failure to stay put is symbolic as shit. 

I’M ABOVE REPROACH, PEOPLE.

Sometimes, you just shouldn't answer the phone

… because it might be someone you have no interest in talking to. 

Like someone you used to dick around with last year just because you wanted to cross “devout Jewish boy over 6’5” tall” off you list.  And you’ll undoubtedly not have the energy to muster up the emotional maturity to exit the conversation gracefully, so you’ll feign insult to have an excuse to unceremoniously hang up on him.  But being the good Jewish boy that he is, he’ll call back to apologize, not even really sure what he did wrong.  And you’ll feel guilty and agree to brunch next Saturday.  But later you’ll remember that you already have a hair appointment scheduled for that morning and realize that you’ll need to call him back to let him know you really can’t do brunch.  And, no, you can’t do brunch on Sunday, either. 
Nope, not next Saturday either. 
No — already saw that movie. 
Yeah, it was pretty good. 
No, I don’t drink coffee. 
Look, how about I call you next week and we’ll figure something out, alright? 
You have a good night too. 
It was (*swallow*) really great talking to you, too. 
Bye, now. 
I said “bye.” 
Why would I say “guy”?  That makes no sense. 
Look, I have to go to bed.
Okay, bye. 
Sweet dreams to you too, I guess.

I know I can be an asshole sometimes.  I’m sorry, everyone.